Day 3: the shower

Warning: Below is a picture of my sutures, so if you’re squeamish, you should just suck it up and keep reading. 

gross

gross

It has only been three days since my surgery and I have managed to go 24 hours without taking a pain pill. Cue the ticker-tape parade! That is not to say I’m completely without pain. My shower adventure, which I am now referring to as “Water-gate-to Hell,” was not exactly “fun” or “calming.” I was completely unnerved by the fact that I did in fact get the sutures a little wet, and then I of course managed to drop the soap. The entire experience was a veritable nightmare, but hey, at least I was able to condition my hair. Needless to say I am composing this blog with an icepack firmly wedged under my right glute cheek.

For those of you who are planning on showering while recovering from hip labral/flexor correction surgery or a surgery similar to it, a few words of caution. One, if you don’t have a walk-in shower, stepping in and out of your tub/shower combo is not only damn near impossible, it’s utterly mortifying and somewhat gross. Remember that Seinfeld episode (Season 9, “The Apology”) where Jerry’s girlfriend Melissa was fixing the bike and opening the pickle jar while naked? And now you understand where I’m going with this imagery. As Jerry put it to George, it was “bad naked.” You may want someone who is legally blind to help you with this step in your recovery. Trust me, all parties involved will be grateful.

"Thousands of uses" indeed.

“Thousands of uses” indeed.

Secondly, I think soap-on-a-rope should be handed out to all surgery patients in some sort of goody bag. Time literally slowed down as I saw the slippery white Ivory bar jettison itself out of my hand. I all but let out a whimper, and had I not been trying to both hold onto the shower wall and press down the loosening seal on my hastily constructed Glad Press’n Seal bandage, I would’ve shaken a very soggy angry fist. In short, sponge baths and washing your hair in the kitchen sink may be the way to tackle full-body cleanliness for at least the first week.

On that note, I would like to give a special shout-out to my husband, Mark. He has been remarkably patient and helpful, and I don’t know what I would do without his constant assistance. I suppose that yes, it is his marital obligation to take care of me; however, he didn’t visibly cringe at my “bad naked, ” and for that I shall shower him with praise.

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